This is a coming out – although not in the usual terms of sexual orientation.
It is a coming out that I feel like many of us crave deep within ourselves – a “hey, this is me and I am this crazy, unique, I-don’t-even-understand-all-of-it mix of pure awesomeness and I’m-not-deserving mess.”
I feel like I’ve been living different lives with different people to a certain extent — not fully acknowledging parts of myself with people outside of coaching circles or close family and friends. It’s waaaaay easier to be vulnerable when everyone around you is openly committed to it. It’s much simpler to fall flat on your face when the people around you catch you with unconditional love (family/friends) or understanding through training (coaches, therapists, etc). But I also know as I argue back and forth about whether or not to even write a post like this (Isn’t it great? Isn’t it going to be super narcissistic and self-centered? Won’t it be freeing? What if people unfriend you?!), that my conversations that feel the most real, my relationships that are the most fulfilling, my moments in life that feel ALIVE are the ones when I’m being real. Honest. Messy. Powerful. Kicking people’s asses with truth. Kicking my own with awkwardness and vulnerability. So, this is me, claiming some parts of me publicly, in the hope that it’ll keep me more fully, openly on this path of being all of me with people. And hoping that it will inspire more people in my life to feel like they can show up this way back with me.
I am a mess. I have dishes that have been sitting in the sink on the pretense of soaking for 3 days, but I really just don’t like doing them. (They’ve probably been there for 4, I just didn’t want to admit to longer than 3. Ahem.) There are boxes that are still unpacked 5 months later. I cry more often than I’d like to admit to. I’m working through a fear of flying that embarrasses me because I flew 40+ times last year, love to travel, and want to live abroad again. People who love me have left me — and I fear that those who are left, those who are new, will see what they saw and leave, too. I absolutely love music — I sing it, I dance to it — and yet for the life of me can rarely keep track of songs by title and artist. I’m so very, very human. And, I worry that this paragraph is too much of a mess to put out there, that it’s all that people will see of me — all the while knowing there’s more mess than just this even. (Eek!)
I am awesome. I am kindhearted, loving, fully expressive and passionate. I am a great friend. I am deeply, incredibly intuitive. I see people at the level of their soul. I’m a strong communicator — both verbally and in writing. I can translate between two people in conflict — helping them to find a resolution as well as both be really, truly heard. I can sense energy in a space — I know when to transition when giving a presentation or hosting an event. I read people well — I see emotions even when they’re not expressed directly. I am empathic. Sometimes I feel what it is to be someone else. I’m funny, I love people really deeply and truly, I am creative. I see the bigger picture vision of things. I encourage and inspire people. I am deeply courageous — including being willing to step forward and have the awkward or painful conversations even when I’m shaking.
I am all of that and then some.
Ahhh. I am going to post this. I’m going to post it because it is a commitment to you (friend, loved one, client, random stalker). It’s a commitment to myself. It’s a commitment to be more fully me everywhere. It’s a commitment to add my voice into the world in a bigger, more real way. (Scary. Maybe weird.) And it’s an invitation. It’s an invitation for more real conversations. It’s an invitation to show up awkward and messy, awesome and wonderful, and completely, uniquely you. I’m posting it because I believe the world wants more of this — we want to be seen, to be loved, to be acknowledged. And not just as our best. As all of us.